Oddballs and Pervs
by Lori94
Summary: Is it strange that a hetero-sexual female fantasizes about watching two beautiful men enjoy the pleasures of each other's flesh...? If it is, then I suppose I'm a perv...but I doubt I'm the only one... *Slash/Backslash Contest Entry*
1. Chapter 1

SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST

Story Name:_** Oddballs and Pervs  
**__**  
**_Pen name:_** Lori94**_Pairing:_** Edward and Jasper**_Disclaimer: **_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.  
_****_Only the non-existent original characters and the twisted plot are the property of me, Lori 94.  
_****_I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  
_****_No copyright infringement is intended.  
_**_**  
To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: **__**.net/c2/68069/3/0/1/**_

**Bella's POV**

Am I strange…? Is it strange that a hetero-sexual female fantasizes about watching two beautiful men enjoy the pleasures of each other's flesh…? If it is, then I suppose I'm a perv...but I doubt I'm the only one…I'm Bella…This is the story of how I met my 2 best friends in the universe.

In my teen years, I had a gay friend who I hung out with. I saw him kiss his boyfriend many times over the year he lived in my town…and it always made me horny. For a while, after he and his honey moved away, I became obsessed with gay porn. My mom caught me watching it once and called me a pervert, insisting that I get rid of it. When I went away to college, I found a job and bought myself a detachable hard drive for my PC…I got more gay porn and kept it there…so nobody would find it but me.

I moved in with my best friend Alice. She caught me masturbating to my collection a few times. Whenever she did, she just rolled her eyes and called me a perv…

One day, Alice and I walked into a local bar. She was pointing out people who would look good as a couple. I decided to get in on her fun and pointed out a guy who looked like a Calvin Klein underwear model and a guy who looked like a movie star. "Those two would be a hot couple, Ali…Don't you think?" I asked.

"Oooh, girl, your gay-dar is right on the money! Those two fine looking men would look FAB together." She said as she looked the rest of the crowd over.

"I wonder if we could somehow get them to kiss, Ali… What do you think?" I asked her.

"EEEWWW! You may get off on that kind of thing, but I don't wanna see two guys go at it! Gross, Bells!" Alice wrinkled her nose at me and made the gagging face.

I rolled my eyes and when she went outside to smoke, I bought them drinks…anonymously…and had the waitress tell them that each that the other one sent it. I tried hard not to giggle or even react at all when the striking blue eyes of the underwear model glanced in the movie star's direction. It was even more difficult to keep my composure when the movie star's deep green eyes focused on the model.

Alice came back from smoking and looked at me. "What did you do…? Isabella…?"

"Nothing, Ali…I swear!" I tried my innocent puppy-dog look on her…It failed miserably… "Ok, ok, so I sent them drinks…and had the waitress tell them each that the other one sent it."

"Bella! What if they're not gay? What if they're just not 'out' yet? You're playing around with people's lives here!" Alice said, obviously upset. "You go right over there and tell them who really sent those drinks! Don't say why though, it might upset them …I'd hate to make them think of you as the perv you are…"

I sighed. I hated being scolded like a child…but I guessed she was right… Then came my chance! The model was moving toward the movie star, drink in hand…I got up and took a deep breath. Walking over to the table, I got there at the same time as Blue-eyes.

"Hi…" I said.

"Uhmmm…hi…" the green eyed movie star said, looking confused.

The model just looked between us.

"Can I talk to you guys for just a minute…?" I asked.

Green-eyes motioned for us both to sit.

"I owe you both a huge apology …" I began.

"What for…?" Blue eyes asked.

I cringed. "I sent those drinks…I'm sorry…I thought you guys would make a great couple and decided that I'd give you a push… I'm so sorry…I-…"

"Miss…Miss, I really don't know what to say…" Green eyes interrupted my rambling.

My lip trembled and I apologize one last time before I ran out the door and sat in my car to wait for Alice. I just wanted to sink into the ground as, moments later they walk out, hand in hand, and look around. Suddenly, they kiss…not just a light peck on the lips either …a real life beautiful passionate kiss…*Just like Gary and Carl, my friend from high school…* I whimpered and felt moisture leak onto my panties…

Just my luck, they were heading to the car that was parked next to me. Seeing me, Blue eyes pointed me out to Green eyes saying, "Edward, look…"

He looked over, too, and motioned for Blue eyes to follow him. He tapped on my window and asked me to join them on the bench at the curb.

Once there, Edward said, "Miss, I've gotta tell you something…you did us a huge favor and we owe you…not the other way around. You see…"

They looked at each other and Blue eyes said, "Edward and I…we are a couple…"

"This is Jasper, by the way…anyway…the other day, we had a huge blow out of a fight over something so stupid and we haven't been talking…and when the drink came to my table, I thought it was his attempt at an apology…" Edward said.

"…And I thought the same of him." Jasper replied with a smirk. "Anyway, without those drinks you sent over, we'd still be arguing or worse, not speaking at all…So, thanks…"

"I'd like to make you dinner to thank you properly…Would you join us tomorrow…?" Edward offered.

I bit my lip and thought about it for a second.

Seeing that I was not overtly enthused, Jasper said, "Listen, he makes a mean lasagna…if you have anything else on your mind, you can talk to us about it…We don't bite…You can even bring your friend…"

"Friend…?" I said dumbly.

He smirked, "The cute little pixie in Prada that's walking toward us…She is your friend, right?"

"Bella, what's going on? I sent you over to apologize to these two and then you disappeared!" Alice called out.

"Bella…what a nice name…" Edward said in a low voice.

"Are you kidding…? You just instigated the two of them to get together and practically orchestrated that kiss and you didn't even tell them your name? You're probably even fantasizing about them fucking as we speak, for crying out loud!" My best friend just outted me as a perv!

Both gorgeous sets of eyes were now focused on me…

I turned red… *Thanks Alice!* I swallowed a gulp of air… "Yeah, uhmmm…Ali, I wasn't going to tell them that, remember…? Listen, guys its ok…I-I can't do tomorrow night anyway…I h-have plans." I said desperately trying to let them off the hook on the dinner invite.

"No, you don't, Bells…You are totally free this week…What the hell?" Alice said, completely clueless as to my predicament.

I had pinched her as I was trying to get away from my mortifying experience. "You don't owe me anything…really! I bet you would've gotten back on track in a few days anyway…I'm so sorry about this whole thing…I'm just a stupid pervert and I shouldn't have done any of this!" I was positive that my face matched the red top I was wearing. I got up and walked back over to my car.

"Bella, wait!" Edward grabbed my hand.

I stopped but couldn't bring myself to face him.

He came around to face me instead. "So, Bella… I guess we know your secret…You like to watch men fuck…"

"FYI…I like to watch beautiful men make love to each other…If there's no emotion, It's usually not worth watching…" I whisper- yelled defensively.

He nodded thoughtfully. "Since we know one of your secrets, would you like to know one of ours?" He asked.

I looked up at him, sure that he was going to say something completely different than what came out of his mouth.

He leaned in close and whispered into my ear. "You may be a perv… but we're oddballs who like to be watched…Come over tomorrow night, without your friend…We'll have dinner and maybe even a show…"

My mouth ran dry as I tried to breathe. "Where…?"

"Here's our address…We haven't had sex in front of someone in a while…Its one of his major fantasies and I think it'll be perfect for make-up sex…that's the best kind… Please come?" He asked handing me a napkin from the bar.

It had an address on it. I just nodded, took it and followed Alice to the car. I was the 'designated driver' this time and I needed to get us home so I could have a drink…I didn't say a word to Alice for the rest of that night. I just sequestered myself in my room with my porn and masturbated.

The next day at work, no matter what I was doing, I couldn't stop thinking about Edward and Jasper…To think…their perviness complimented mine…I liked to watch and they liked to be watched…occasionally anyway. What are the odds of me finding that?

After work, I showered and dressed with the possibility of a sexy show in my head. I shaved and tweezed and did my hair. I wore a dress by Dolce and Gabana and my crotch-less panties, and even heels. Before I left my apartment, I grabbed a bottle of Chianti and on impulse, I threw a vibrating dildo into my Michael Kors purse. It never hurts to be prepared…right?

Getting into the car…I drive a Kia Spectra 5…I typed the address into my GPS and was astonished to find that it's in the better part of town. These guys must be pretty well off… I started the car and drove just above the speed limit the whole way. Strange thoughts were bombarding me as I drove, making me really think about what was going to happen tonight.

Was I really about to live out a fantasy…or was this going to ruin my life…?

As I saw it, there were 3 possible outcomes: 1- I could leave now and live a boring 'vanilla' life… 2 - I could do this and be so embarrassed that, after it was over, I'd never be able to look them in the eyes and end up moving to Alaska in order to get away from them… (or my personal favorite) 3 - I could acquire 2 life-long and trustworthy friends.

I looked at the house and saw Edward standing in the open doorway with Jasper behind him. I knew then what I was going to do…

**Jasper's POV**

*Is this really going to happen?* I asked myself. *Am I really about to have sex with my boyfriend in front of some strange woman?* My cock is saying 'yes' but my brain isn't so sure… "E, are you sure this is a good idea? What do we really know about her?" I asked as I helped him cook the meal. "She could be a gay-killer…She could be pretending to want this…to like us… and then when she gets us alone, she could kill us or something!"

"Jasper, relax…This woman wouldn't hurt a fly. You know that, so far, I've been a good judge of character. Trust me…" Edward said. "…or better yet, look at it this way; when this works out, we'll have a willing and enthusiastic audience whenever we want it."

I blushed. "God, Edward…you always know just what to say!"

His left hand touched my cheek and then his right arm went around me to pull me close. Our lips touched and I fell into his embrace like never before. I felt myself hardening as our bodies pressed together.

"Hey, tiger; save it for the show…" Edward grinned.

"Yeah, uhmmm…E, what kind of show are we going to give her?" I asked nervously.

"Well, Jazz, we don't know if she'd like to see the D/s side of us…so, I think we'll do the slow, sensual, love-making…We haven't done that in a while." He answered with a smirk. "But, we'll see if she has any interest in the rough stuff during dinner."

I heard a car pull up out front as Edward put the finishing touches on his lasagna. "E, I think she's here…"

"C'mon, let's meet her at the door." He said putting the pan in the oven. He opens the door and looks out at her. "She's pretty for a hetero-sexual."

I stepped behind him and put my head on his shoulder.

For a moment, she stared back at us…like she was still unsure that she wanted to do this, but then her car door opened and she walked around to our walkway. The dress she'd chosen to wear was beautiful and designer!

"E, she's wearing Dolce! I think I'm in love!" I said in a strangled voice.

He just laughed at me.

"Thank you for coming, Bella…" I started to say but, when I realized the words I'd used, I blushed. "I mean, joining us…Thanks for joining us."

She grinned and presented me with a bottle of Chianti. "I wanted to contribute to the meal…"

Edward looked at it. "Chianti goes wonderfully with lasagna…Thank you, Bella."

I smirked and tapped his arm playfully. "That settles it…Bella's officially our new best friend! She wears Dolce and knows wines!"

"Then you'd probably be disappointed to know that I Googled lasagna and wine pairings…" Bella giggled.

Edward's eyes flew open and focused on her. "Now, I'm in love, Jazz…she's a woman who knows how to Google!"

That reduced us all to laughter just before the timer on the oven went off. Edward served up what turned out to be his best lasagna ever. As we ate, he brought up our curiosity in her preferences. "So Bella, why don't you give us an idea as to what gay porn you've watched…If you've seen something we haven't, we'll make sure to see it soon…"

"None of the actors I've seen in any of the movies even comes close to the sex appeal that you 2 give off…So they're hardly worth watching anymore…I like the porn movies that actually have a plot behind them…I've watched many different types of scenes though. From fumbling teenagers to May/ December romances…I've also seen some that include slow romantic love-making as well as others that go into BDSM…"

Edward and I shared a look.

I cleared my throat. "…And what's your personal favorite?"

She looked at me funny, focusing on my wrist cuff. "Wow, you're into all kinds of kink aren't you? I'm not picky, and I won't push to join in. I'll watch anything you want to show me, and be happy."

Edward and I just smiled at her, but I was thinking that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

**Edward's POV**

I told Jasper to just clear the table so our cat wouldn't scavenge the left-overs, and to meet me outside our bedroom door. Then, I led Bella into our viewing room. This sweet woman brought my lover back into my arms. I silently promise to give her a good show… "Ok, no offense intended, but we're just not comfortable with you being in the same room this first time." I said gently. "I have a camera set up in our bedroom and playroom so that we can watch our own performances, and you'll be getting the live feed in here."

"Oh, Edward, this is already more than I ever could've hoped for!" She said, blushing. "Uhmmm, do you have a towel? Duh, of course you have towels. This is your house…what I mean is: could I borrow one?"

I raised an eyebrow. *She's a rambler…oh joy…!*

She blushed deeply. "Oh, my lord…I'm totally mortified to be admitting this, but I think that once this scene starts…I'll probably die if I can't masturbate, so I brought a toy and…look, the towel is to keep your seats clean…if you catch my drift?" She covered her red face.

I smirked. "Well, we want you to get comfy and relax, so if that's what you need, there are towels in this closet. You'll know we're starting when you hear me say the words 'enjoy the show'." Leaving her there alone, I smiled as I found Jasper waiting at the door to our room as I'd asked him to. "Are you ready, lover?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Remember, we're having make-up sex here…Let's have a little fun, but don't forget your role." I reminded him, just before our lips met.

**Bella's POV**

The towel was under me on this amazingly comfy chair and I'd put my vibrator in my pussy, when suddenly, I heard Edward's voice say the phrase I'd been waiting for. "Enjoy the show…" I focused on the screen as they walked into the room in a state of half undress.

_They were in the middle of an epic make out session, when Edward pulled back and said, "Baby, I'm so sorry I fought with you. I've missed you so much."_

"_Me, too…" Jasper replied with lots of emotion. "Let's never fight over something so stupid ever again."_

"_Jazzy, I need you…Let me…" Edward said as he started kissing Jasper's neck and collarbone._

_Jasper asked. "God, Edward, I want to feel your mouth on me…but, I want your cock in my mouth, too…Let me suck you first, baby… Please?" _

_I saw a searing look in Edward's eye as he said, "Same time, babe…?"_

_Jasper grinned as he moved to lie down on the bed. _

_Once he was there and comfy, Edward kissed him 'Spiderman' style before getting into the classic '69' position. _

_Jasper's head was closest to the camera, so as he took Edward's manhood into his mouth, I saw the love in his eyes just before they closed to savor the taste of his lover's skin…or did his eyes close because of Edward's mouth being on his own cock. _

I couldn't tell…and I didn't care. I turned on my vibrator and lost myself to their performance as they pumped each other's cocks into their own mouths.

_Jasper cupped Edward's balls as he sucked and it made Edward groan loudly._

"_God, Jazzy, I love the way you suck me, but I'd really like to fuck you tonight." He moaned as Jasper licked the head of his cock._

I worked the vibrator in and out of my hot wet core; my clit felt each stroke.

_Edward positioned Jasper over the end of the bed, so the camera could see what he was doing to him._

"_Lube me up, baby. I can't wait to have you inside me." Jasper was saying._

_Edward got the lube from a nightstand and dripped it onto Jasper's crack. _

I could see the drops of moisture reach their destination.

_Edward's fingers circled Jasper's opening and worked their way into his ass, one after the other until he was plugging Jasper with 3 fingers._

I bit into my lip as I watched Jasper being finger-fucked.

_He was moaning and panting as Edward prepared him. "Edward…Baby, please…don't tease me. I need you in me…I need to cum for you…so bad."_

_Edward replied, "Jazzy, I want you so bad…My cock is dying to be in your sweet ass." He got up on the bed and placed his cock at Jasper's rosebud. "Say it for me, babe…tell me to fuck you."_

"Fuck him, Edward! Oh, God, Edward, fuck him…please?" I whimpered as I fucked my pussy with the toy.

_Jasper was now begging for Edward to fuck him. He cried out in a loud moan as he took his lover's cock into his body from behind. _

_Edward's hands were holding Jasper's hips and helping him move in and out of Jasper's tight ass. "Touch yourself, babe; I want us to cum together._

"_Edward…Oh, my…Edward, fuck me hard!" Jasper yelled as he reached under himself and began to rub his own cock. "I love you so much, Edward."_

"_I…" Edward thrusted into Jasper's body. "…Love…" He pulled out._

_Jasper pulled on his cock keeping the rhythm that Edward was setting._

"…_You…" He thrusted again. "…Too…" He pulled out again._

_Jasper was hard and hot and begging to cum as he worked his cock in his hand._

"…_JASPER…" He made a final thrust and cam inside his lover._

_Jasper yelled out Edward's name next, signaling his completion as if the cum on his hand wasn't proof enough of his orgasm._

I placed my vibrator directly on my clit and came with them.

Jasper quietly said, _"I love you so much, Edward. You always make me so happy…Hold me, love." They lay together quietly appearing to fall asleep._

I laid there for a minute, allowing myself time to recuperate before I got up and dressed to go home. Edward was so sweet to Jasper. I wondered how this sweet man became a Dom. I hoped that they enjoyed this as much if not more than I did. I made sure to leave my number for them to call me.

Edward didn't say much as he showed me to the door. He kissed my cheek and said, "Thanks for cumming, Bella."

As I drove home, I realized that I got my wish…It turns out that oddballs and pervs make great friends for each other…

* * *

Thanks again to hnwhitlock2000 for being my beta! We're a great team!


	2. Please Vote but DO NOT review!

**Notes to Readers:**

To all those who have my as a favorite Author/Story or if you have me on your Author/Story alert:

My stories all have Lemons... Each and every one... So if you want to continue reading my stuff here is where you will need to go... Thanks!

www(dot)twcslibrary(dot)com/viewuser(dot)php?uid=7171

**Lori's review of Eclipse**

****SPOILERS FOR ECLIPSE THE MOVIE****

I got to see the 12:01 showing of the third movie in The Twilight Saga! I took my husband with me and he spent the whole time before, after and during the movie, making fun of it and me, but here's my opinion:

I loved it!

I thought it was excellently acted and thoroughly enjoyable. Most of my favorite scenes from the book made the movie and I couldn't be happier. There were some cheesy parts, but they matched the cheesy parts of the book so it wasn't the bad type of cheesy.

I thought there were some portions of the movie that were absolutely perfect, but there were a few that I'm not sure they did justice to. The part when Jacob meets up with them at Forks HS was ok, but I think it could've been better, Bella was not as upset as she should've been that Victoria was back in town. Also, in the book, the bed was a MAJOR issue. In the movie…not so much! The next portion, I was unhappy with was when Jake tells her she'd be better off dead then being a vampire. She was supposed to be so pissed that she didn't speak to him for DAYS and she actually sticks around for the rest of her visit! The final scene that I didn't like was when she speaks to Jacob the last time…He showed more emotion than she did!

I think the most important thing in this movie is the proposal. It played out just perfectly! The ring was beautiful and I loved the emotion and affection and the way Bella and Edward are all lovey-dovey in this movie. I am so glad they got it right this time. 'The Talk' with Charlie went just as awkwardly as it was supposed to and I laughed the whole time! The chats she had with Jasper and Rosalie went well and I could see the wheels in her head turning as she considered all the info she was getting. Jasper's accent was breathtaking and I would love to hear more of it. I loved her explanation of her final decision. It was different than the book, but I think it fit better to Bella's true character.

I can't wait to see it a second time! I may have to go back for thirds!

I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did!

Love, Lori

Hey, All!

I'm hoping one of you either is a beta or knows of a beta that's willing to take on a new author. I've tried to do it myself, and I thought it was good enough, but I've been hitting some roadblocks and lately all contests require a story to be beta-d. I don't have the time or inclination to sit and sort through the beta data-base, so if you're interested in helping out with my type of stories please let me know.

My biggest stories are the ones with BDSM and lots and lots of sex. I don't want to corrupt anyone so please be 18+ if you plan on taking me up on my offer. If you don't like slash, please don't waste either of our time. My style of writing is more romantic than anything else. Although I don't do stories about abuse, Healing Moments flashes back to Edward's days in an abusive relationship.

Hope I'll be hearing from some of you…

Thanks, Lori

**_hnwhitlock2000 has now been my Beta for i think the last 2 months!_**!

**Hey, All!**

**Calling all my Rob Pattinson fans:**  
There is a Facebook Group We should all join and it's called Fans Against Stalker Robert Patinson Apple App.

Here's the link: http:/www (.) facebook (.) ?gid=135275779836856#!/group (.) php?gid=135275779836856

(Take out the spaces and the () Thanks!)

Thanks, Lori

**To all who'd like to vote for the Slash/Backslash contestants:  
**  
To see entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: www. fanfiction .net/c2/68069/3/0/1/

Aug. 16, 2010: A poll will open for voting here: www. fanfiction .net/~slashbackslash

Then there will be a judging round, which will go on for 15 days. The winners will be announced on Sept 1.

**To all who'd like to vote for the Plot-Bunny contestants:  
**  
To see other entries in the Plot Bunny Contest, please visit the following C2:  
www. fanfiction .net/community/Plot_Bunny_Contest/82048/

Voting is going on right here… right now!  
www. fanfiction .net/u/2318066/Plot_Bunny_Contest#

These are the only contests right now. I'll get back to you as I enter more! Please vote?

**Thanks! **

Apparently, we're not allowed to have special stories that are notes to the readers. I was forced to delete that one. So I'll now be forced to do something I hate and put Authors Notes in the chapters of my stories. I think each author should be allowed to have 1 story that is ANs so that their readers know what's happening with them and they don't have to waste chapter space, but the powers that be do not agree, so that's that.

* * *

New Contest and C2 on ffnet.  
I'm a Judge for the contest, and I created the C2.

Dommella's Dungeon:  
_www. fanfiction. _net/u/2523629/

Twilight- Femme Domme :  
_www. fanfiction. _net/community/Twilight_Femme_Domme/85151/

Take out the spaces!

* * *

**_The Contest entries must be in by 10/31/10_**  
**_I'm a Judge for the contest, and I look forward to judging your stories! Get to work, Ladies and Gentlemen!_**  
**_Dommella's Dungeon: www (.) fanfiction (.) net/u/2523629/_**

* * *

Hey everyone! Check this out! I was asked to do a short author's interview! Its posted today 10/21/10. There's a link below and on my profile! Enjoy! It's posted here:

www (.) twimuses (.) ?zx=39b7e1c63a1ae38f

Take out the spaces and the () and enjoy!


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